A delicate topic: if a female admits that others find her attractive and that she had to deal with lots of envy, she is met with scrutiny
Being regarded as attractive by other people is a delicate topic. If women even admit that others tend to find them attractive, they are scrutinized: 'Oh, you are not that attractive'.
Anecdotal: in the Netherlands, we have this tv-programma called "The Most Beautiful Girl in Class". This is a human interest program, it is not so much about looks actually, but it focuses on the hardships of girls who were considered attractive in high school. The girls share how their lives are not privileged at all, contrary to the popular myth that people owe luck and opportunities in life to physical beauty. Often, the girls sharing their heartbreak over tragic life events are met with scrutiny: 'She is not really pretty', 'She probably has a nasty personality because she relied on her looks'. People just don't want to get the essence of it all.
It gets even worse when females try to bring up the topic of female envy and with that being bullied by female peers or having no (female) friends from the same age: 'She probably has an attitude', 'Being beautiful should bring you lots of friends, you are probably standoffish or arrogant if you have no female friends'.
The hardest myth is that people in general owe it to themselves if they are lonely, for they would probably have nasty personalities.
People are usually pointing the finger toward other people, regardless of their attractiveness. There is always that "You are probably arrogant/standoffish/shy/needy/picky/unfriendly/unapproachable/nasty/blatant/thinking highly of yourself".
I am not saying I see myself as attractive. This is not look "Wow, look at me".
I can honestly say that I have had to deal with female peer envy since age 12, to date. The weird thing about it is that I am too intelligent to be bothered with something minor like competition. I never felt the urge to compete with other females, but I have had no female friends since age 12 and my friendships with men were succesfully ruined by their girlfriends, later their fiancees.
If I am attractive (which is not the essence of what I am discussing here), it does not mean that I have a bad attitude, that I am privileged, that I am spoiled, standoffish, cold, a brat, arrogant, whatever people like to believe. People entertain their small-minded view that one's physical outlook and character are two opposites. People like to believe that attractive people have to work on their personality. No such phenomenon is true.
Tell you what: I have a stabile sense of self. I never had low self esteem. I don't see myself as pretty, nor as fat or skinny. I believe that I look pretty balanced and therefore evoke a sense of familiarity. But I am also Slavic with Asian ancestry and not a common phenotype where I live (in The Netherlands). I look poised, my walk is elegant/refined, simply because my motor skills are defined by ethnic mixing. I have long legs and I am tall, but my frame appears as small-sized. I am hyperflexible, which is an ethnically inherited trait. I have very light eyes that appear piercing. Many people seem to read from my face and frame that I am Russian/Ukrainian.
I also have a kind of energy that, like I myself notice, stands out. People could pick me randomly out of a crowd, that is exactly what my mother had, be it that she was very charismatic. We had a similar biorhythm, which is faster than that of most people in my region of residence.
My mother had to deal with both female peer envy and stalking behavior by men even worse than I do. She was never invited to the wedding of her best friend, she was not allowed to visit her friends because their husbands might fall for her. It really was that bad and a lonely experience. Until her death, she had been stalked by another random man that had seen her working in the front yard. Both of us have been stalked when being noticed by men that saw us walking. Even for something as basic as grocery shopping, she could attract unwanted male attention. She had been stalked by an officer. She has escaped from an abduction attempt and was told by police officers that she had it coming to her, since she was "too hot".
As for me, I am also being held to an offensive stigmatic view. A male friend of mine told me that if he were me, he would have dated one after another. What he meant to say was, I should be promiscious with my physique. People assume I could seduce their man into cheating.
People assume that being regarded attractive by others means you could just have sex with anyone. One time, a woman said "You just see your body as a necessity and not something to enjoy", because she thought I could [ ] just anyone.Could, yes, could, should..... I am not frigid. I am just more intelligent than your average, not that I am boasting about it. I don't even want every random man. Truth be told, I am even single while I wish I had a man. And no, I am not desperate nor picky nor icy nor standoffish nor shy, nor looking for an illusion like "the one" that some people see as the highest attainable. I am looking for compatibility and someone who is intelligent, which is a major part of sexual aura. I never found anyone unintelligent to be sexually "loaded". It's no cliché. Intelligence and oozing sexual charism are indispensible.
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